All Power to Pumpkins! Move Over Kale, It’s My Month Now!
Because ahem, it just is. Sorry ‘bout that
Now don’t get me wrong.
Yet.*
I love kale as much as the next health-conscious carb and sugar addict, but let’s get real.
It’s October! It’s MY month.
Me being yours truly, Princess Pumpkin.
Your Highness for short. Or because you’re wasted on something, but then we’d be talking about your highness, not mine. I call myself My Highness when I refer to myself. As I really like to do.
Because let’s face it, with Halloween and Thanksgiving right around the corner, people are losing interest in phytonutrients and gaining interest in stuffing themselves with holiday goodies, especially homemade ones.
Which is where I come in.
My name may be Princess — PeePee alliteration and all that — but I’m the QUEEN of Halloween — which even rhymes.
And this queen holds court in Trader Joe’s. Every single one of them, which is quite a feat for a roly-poly gourd that has no feet.
I dare you to go into any TJs and not find me everywhere.
I’m piled up outside in all my exotic and frankly erotic varieties. Especially when I pose with my gooseneck squash cousins. Taken together you get the whole picture, and hopefully turned on as well.
I not only come in all shapes and sizes, my colors and textures vary quite a bit. From pure snow white to every shade of orange, with some green streaks for good measure. But what you’re really gonna love is my texture. All those warts and nobbies and hard places. Oooh yeah! Gave rise to the moniker fairy tale pumpkin.
That and my Porky Pigtail curly cue stems if you’re lucky enough to get one.
And that’s just the beginning.
Going from isle to isle, you get pumpkin cream cheese, pumpkin hummus, honey-roasted pumpkin ravioli, and pumpkin gnocchi–the ‘g’ is silent — in the deli section. In other places, like the cereal section, the ‘g’ is quite loud.
When you get to dairy there’s pumpkin oat milk. This is a great base for your seasonal lattes and spicy chai. So drink me up.
There’s nonfat pumpkin Greek yogurt. And pumpkin spice dairy-free cashew yogurt. For you vegans and/or lactose intolerants. By the way, I know you can’t have milk, but could you at least tolerate those of us who can? If we promise not to rub it in by flashing our souped-up lattes in your face.
Moving along, please find Pumpkin tortilla chips to scoop up your pumpkin hummus with. And pumpkin bisque to float your chips in. Yummy fun! Pumpkin seeds are there year-round and are the reason I get to be. Roasted and toasted and tasty.
The Trader’s put me in a Rooibos tea blend, set in its own special tin with a cute pic of me wearing a teapot costume. Yes, even pumpkins get to wear costumes. Especially this time of year.
Speaking of Costumes
My all-time favorite costume was when they decked me out as a coach to take my girl, Cinderalla, to the ball. They even disguised six white mice as horses to pull me. That was a bigger trick than my coach costume, but I had to keep my mouth shut so we’d get there in time for the Prince to fall in love with her by midnight.
All went well except for how badly they treated Cindi while waiting for the other glass slipper to drop.
Oh but I digress!
Back to our virtual shopping tour:
There’s pumpkin spice granola for your fiber needs. As well as something called Overnight Oats. I’m in there with dates and almond butter. You have to add water or milk the night before. Use that pumpkin oat milk for a double pumpkin whammy.
Pumpkin ale. ‘Nuff said.
Note, I rate an alcoholic beverage. Not something kale can claim even though his name contains the word ale, as our buddy, Gary Chapin so astutely pointed out. Hopefully, he’ll come up with 100 wonderful things to say about me. Hint, hint.
They also have a vanilla pumpkin hand soap and lotion set. And an overnight face mask so I can go to bed with you. Keep clean and smell nice with me. I mean, us.
And more stuff is in the works, or R & D, if you wanna get technical.
There’s pumpkin salami, pumpkin toothpaste, and pumpkin vodka. Vodka? You ask? Absolut — ly. Potatoes are bland. They need me to spice things up.
Oh, that reminds me…
Pumpkin Pie Spice is out now. So fill up. And I forgot the desert isle. That’s cause I’m trying to watch my intake. I gain weight just looking at goodies. But if you can afford the calories, go for it.
In addition to the perennial classic, pumpkin pie, you can get not only pumpkin cheesecake, my favorite, but now there’s pumpkin cheesecake crescent rolls. Why, I’m not sure, but I’m still flattered.
And another new treat, Pumpkin Sticky Toffee Cakes. Not to be confused with coffee cakes. These are made from sticky toffee. More like a bun than a cake, but we won’t quibble over trifles. And no, sadly, I haven’t been turned into a truffle yet, but I can dream, can’t I?
They do have an elegant set of pumpkin-shaped designer chocolates which are cute. They just aren’t me. However, I’m nearby by in the pumpkin-flavored espresso beans. Who needs to be in a coffee cake when you’re in an espresso bean? Warning, these puppies are potent, so go easy on them.
Pumpkin cookies abound. They put me in their trademark Joe-Joe’s this year. What an honor.
And now I have my very own batons! Those cylindrical wafer cookies usually filled with chocolate hazelnut. Now it’s me in there, along with one redeeming gram of protein.
And for Phyto or Fido or Fifi–remember them–I’m waiting to tempt their taste buds in — wait for it — Pumpkin Maple Bacon Flavored Stuffies Dog Treats. Yes, that’s my stuff stuffed in there. Now your pets can join you in your pumpkin cravings.
Note: we crave before we carve.
Let me remind you, lest my list has you running back to kale, I’m nutritious, too. Here’s what the good docs over at Nourish WebMD say about me. And it’s all true!
Pumpkin is recommended as part of a heart-healthy diet that may help lower your risk of heart disease. It offers a long list of nutrients that protect and support the heart, such as vitamins A, B1, B6, and C, copper, fiber, folate, and manganese.
Pumpkin provides calcium, potassium, and magnesium, which can help keep your heartbeat regular and your blood pressure low.
The fiber in pumpkin can also play a part in lowering blood pressure as well as cholesterol. In addition, the fiber in pumpkin makes you feel full promoting weight loss.
Even though you may think of me as a starch, I’m very low cal. Only 50 in half a can of me. You’re more than justified in eating me in all your muffins, pancakes, waffles, and breads. All of which TJs sells, too. Year-round.
Now that you’ve had a taste of my goodness, it’s time to start thinking about my other talents. After you scoop out my innards and add them to your favorite recipes, you can decorate for the holidays with my exoskeleton!
Kale can’t even say that. Well, he can say it, but it ain’t true. He doesn’t have an exoskeleton.
Okay, I’m done. *Now you can get me wrong!
Marilyn Flower writes humor to laugh the changes she wants to see and make. She’s the author of Creative Blogging: Ninja Writers Guide to Character Development and Bucket Listers, Get Your Brave On. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Stay in touch!
All Power to Pumpkins! Move Over Kale, It’s My Month Now!
I know you were in "heavy writing groove" (best place to be) when you wrote "desert isle"--I do quite like it! I think you meant 'dessert aisle!' But you made me laugh. (I saw a desert in the middle of a grocery store, pumpkins growing in the sand...)This entire wonderful piece made me laugh!! Bless you, Marilyn! Happy Pumpkin Season and Christmas, too!!