Christmas Personali-Tree Types
What our trees reveal about our innermost selves
Every tree makes a statement about the owner/decorator. Some are obvious. Some are subtle — perhaps purposely so. Maybe not. We’ll explore in-depth and offer some fun examples for those of you who read articles like this to learn where you fit.
First, let’s cruise past the obvious. We’re familiar with the Christmas tree that showcases our hobbies or passions, right? The birdwatcher’s tree full of bird ornaments. The baker’s tree with those bread dough ornaments and copper cookie cutters with red ribbon garnishes. Or the Elvis fan who’s collected memorabilia that can be hung with the right hooks. You get the drift.
But it’s not always that obvious. Maybe because we humans are such a complex species. We don’t always understand ourselves and the messages we broadcast with our clothes and hair, let alone our home decor and holiday approach.
Hence, I offer this helpful guide. Keep in mind, it’s just a start. You may discover some revelations yourself which you may or may not choose to share here. Your choice. But to paraphrase a wise saying from Cinderella, if the tree fits, wear it! So much for appetizers, now on to the main course….
Here, in no particular order, except maybe, saving the “best” for last, are the types I’ve discovered in a fairly short period of field research…As you peruse them, ask your self — have I encountered this person? Or am I this person?
Let’s start with a less is more type. Here we go…
The faux frugalista, mysteriously minimalist statement maker
Some people cut corners because they have to. Some do it to make a point. Like the owner of this version of the Christmas tree. Note the extra lights looking uncannily like coils of barbed wire — as if to say: stay the heck away. This person is not poor. They’re passive-aggressive and trying to make a statement with a mixed metaphor. It’s a little hard to decipher, but then many art installations are. After all, they could not even have a tree at all, but they didn’t choose to do that.
The Winter denier, Christmas-phobe, fall worshiper
We all know fall worshipers. They come alive as soon as the weather cools. They decorate for fall and for Halloween. They’re the first one on the block to get a pumpkin latte at Starbucks in late September. But they’ve been fantasizing about them since July 4th.
But here’s the rub. Most fall worshipers can get into Christmas, too. It may be a little late, but they get with the program even if at the last minute. Not so our winter deniers, Christmas-phobes. They cling to every last pumpkin and pile them in their yards as tall as your and my Christmas trees.
Part rebel, part paranoid, these folks become unglued on Dec 21, the winter solstice. You may need to help them throw out those old moldy gourds and hold their hands till Jan1. Be sure to cue up the Nightmare Before Christmas on the DVD and feed them lots of pumpkin pie.
The pretentious Francophilic, arrogant agnostic artist
So for them, it’s not about Jesus, or Christmas, or even trees. It’s all about her, or him. You can tell by how little green is allowed to show through and how garish the non-traditional exotic orchid ornaments are. They don’t stay in their place. They reach out to grab you as if to say: pay attention to me.
While many trees are artistic and have that homemade touch, this is more about flash and fetish than it is about creativity. While something along these lines is on display at Galleries Lafayette in Paris, this is the declasse paper cut out imitation. Don't let the photo fool you.
The high-tech, futuristic eco-snob, whatever
This isn’t even a tree technically. It’s a light show. In fact, you can put your hand through it. But it’s pretty and impressive. And doesn’t kill any trees or involve goo gobs of ornaments, tinsel, popcorn or glitter. You want to admire it, but it may be tinged with a show-offy, holier-than-thou attitude. It’s hard to tell unless you know the maker well.
But, this, folks, is the wave of the future— if indeed we have a future. The maker of this “tree” can fill you in on all of that ad nauseam. So be prepared for the accompanying verbiage. There may be a petition to sign. If it helps the environment, by all means, do it!
The highly competitive, “alpha male” over-achiever on steroids
By the way, this type is found in women as well as men.
But their thinking goes something like this: I won’t put a tree in my house. That’s too lame, tame and boring. I’ll put my house in a tree. But I won’t stop there, I’ll put a whole apartment building in a tree. I won’t need ornaments. Each apartment will serve as an ornament and it’ll be so Tower of Babel high, we’ll look down on the birds as they fly by. Oh, it’s phallic, you say? Well, what a coincidence. My, my, my.
And so there you have it. Remember, there’s more to a tree than meets the eye. We consciously or unconsciously reveal ourselves one way or another. Now you can read a tree in a deep Freudian, Jungian, Tarotian, psycho-psychic way. I hope this enriches your holiday experience immensely. If not, oh, well. It weren’t for not trying…