I Don’t Need any Stinking Vaxes, I Just Need Everyone To Go Away
Including climate deniers and SCOTUS liars
I don’t need any stinking vaxes or badges for that matter. And I don’t need any masks or hand sanitizer or people telling me what not to do.
I just need everyone to go away! Now!
I am serious, people. You have the plague.
Many of them. COVID. Cooties. The heeby-jeebies–whatever they are. I know them when I feel them and you give them to me right now. So stand the hell back.
No, not six feet. How about sixty.
So I don’t have to look at your sorry face. I can’t see it anyway, you’re so uber-masked. You know you could suffocate in there, right.
So you should stay home like I do.
The earth is in trouble, folks.
That’s why she gave us this plague in the first place.
That’s why she gave us all of the plagues down through history. She was tired of our sorry silly selves and wanted us to amscray off her anetplay.
What? You never heard of igpay atinlay? Where the eckhay have you Eenbay? I had to capitalize that or Grammarly changes it to eBay, which is sorta like pig Latin.
Anyway, plagues serve a serious and important purpose. They trim the gene pool. Starting at the bottom. The umscay of the artheay. The ones too whatever to know any better.
And if many of them have been of the Republican persuasion, what does that tell you? I’m just saying.
Hey, just because I’m talking to you does not mean you can come any closer. Stay in your house, fool. Hasn’t this year taught you anything?
Like half of what you think you need is bullsh*t. Just stuff the Elon Musks and Jeff Bezos of the world think you can’t live without. The truth is, they can’t live high on the hog without you spending your hard-earned cash on their latest widgets.
Besides the world now delivers.
Which also helps with Climate Change. When the pandemic first started, and we were all on lockdown, did you notice how clear the skies were and how the animals came back?
Dolphins frolicked in Mediterranean Sea shipping channels. Well, they tend to follow in the wake of ships anyway, but it made good press. And some small towns were so deluged with dear, moose, and other critters, it made the evening news.
Remember Mad Magazine or was it SNL’s moment after the one-minute TV commercials? Well, the moment the TV cameras were turned off in those towns, you don’t want to know. It wasn’t pretty and I’d need a trigger warning (hint-hint) to tell you, even if I wanted to, which I don’t,
I really don’t want to tell you anything but stay the heck away from me. So I don’t have to take responsibility for this virus.
Who has time for PPE? I’m on a mission.
Yes, I was sent here by God and my guardian angel, Blues Brother, Jim Belushi. And when you’re on a mission from God, you can’t be easily distracted, going on detours, following every shiny new object, like coronavirus. Which is no longer new and probably never was shinny.
But anyway, my mission is to leave no prompt unresponded to.
It’s a tough mission but some of us have to do it. Now thankfully, I’m not alone out here. On this double whammy, I’m in such rarified company as Andrew Rodwin and Sara Zadrima.
Though I will admit, my focus is more on quantity than quality.
My motto: Just get the damn thing written.
It’s served me well.
My promptly-prompted prompt responses tend to do better than my other drivel. Not always, but more often than not.
And the beauty of prompts–I don’t have to think up a topic. My work is half done before I start.
Don’t go thinking this is all mindless on my part.
I mind very much thank you. I mind that you’re breathing on me with your germs and microbes and bacteria and viri. Is that the plural?
I mind very much that we’re endangering the planet when we go back to normal. Besides, there is no such thing.
I mind very much that SCOTUS–don’t get me started, there’s nothing funny about that. Funny unusual, but not ha-ha funny. They took a leak to piss all over us, particularly women–but they won’t stop there–putting yet another nail in freedom’s coffin. Not even all that unusual. Just the leak part.
If I were a fetus, I’m not sure I’d want to be born right now.
What’s the point of forcing me to be born when, as soon as I get here, I can’t breathe the air? Or do and get sick with one of your air-borne infirmities.
If I need food or daycare, it’s been cut, along with health care access. If I’m lucky enough to make it to school, I have to dodge the shooters cause you believe they’re entitled to easy guns.
If I’m at all sensitive and who wouldn’t be, here come the bullies. That puts me at risk for self-destructive behaviors too numerous to list here.
It sounds like you just made that decision so I can’t die until my nervous system is developed enough to feel all this pain. How sadistic is that?
I don’t need your stinking decisions, I just want your laws off my mama’s body. What good is life beginning at conception only to end shortly after birth?
Oops, sorry, I was possessed there for a few minutes. Possessed with outrage and a thirst for justice.
I don’t need your hypocrisy, I just want my freedom.
Now can I have my stinking badge?
Marilyn Flower writes humor to laugh the changes she wants to see and make. She’s the author of Creative Blogging: Ninja Writers Guide to Character Development and Bucket Listers, Get Your Brave On. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Stay in touch!