It’s a Pumpkin, it’s a Latte, it’s a Cash Cow!
What don’t they put it in?
It’s October!
Do you know what that means for my shopping cart?
It’s bright orange.
When Trader Joe’s and other stores began a mad compulsive rush to see how many products can be re-issued in “pumpkin,” they must’ve had me in mind.
I’m a sucker for everything pumpkin, and it’s killing me!
Pumpkin itself is good for us…as a vegetable. And if we just stuck with pie, we’d be all right. Pumpkin pie is fairly low on the glycemic scale. For a pie.
But look what they and we have gone and done!
For starters, we’ve turned it into a latte!
Well, actually, Starbucks turned it into a latte. The beverage that’s become “the harbinger of fall,” almost didn’t pass muster.
But the team in the R & D lab spent three months in April of 2003 perfecting the prototype. This is a job I’d love to have — alternating a forkful of pumpkin pie with sips of espresso, teasing out which combination of cinnamon, clove and nutmeg go best with the Italian brew we’ve grown to not just love but depend on.
The scientists had to convince the VP’s that this would be a winner. That the time of year for special seasonal beverages like eggnog and peppermint mocha lattes (geared towards Christmas) could start even earlier with PSL — as the drink’s come to be called.
And no less than Forbes Magazine has printed results of studies showing that making something available for only a limited time does wonders for sales and prices.
The good news is, the grande (medium) size only has 360 calories and as of 2015 actually has pumpkin puree in it and no artificial coloring.
But I don’t stop there.
If it has pumpkin in it, I at least have to try it.
So on a typical fall visit to Trader Joe’s, I can select from: pumpkin ravioli, pumpkin cheesecake and ice cream, pumpkin soup in the box or the can, pumpkin spice coffee — the flavoring is in the beans, saving me a bundle on Starbucks — pumpkin tea latte mix, Rooibos pumpkin tea, which comes in a cute little tin with a pumpkin on it. That’s a keeper.
Pumpkin bread, pancake, and waffle mix — with and without gluten. And scones. Pumpkin scones and muffins. If I spread them with pumpkin butter or pumpkin cream cheese, I’ll have to fast for a week, but okay!
Pumpkin cookies — Joe Joe’s — and candy with or without chocolate, caramel, and the new trend, salt. Add salt to a sweet and you have a whole new line of products.
Does big pharma get a cut when we all start taking blood pressure medication? Are there warning labels on the products?
Warning: this product could raise your blood pressure, either when you eat it or at the cash register when you see how much you have to pay for it.
Know what’s newly pumpkin this year? The Kringle Danish pastry rings from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Yes, indeed, now in pumpkin caramel flavor! So of course, I’m shelling out the eight bucks.
Onward to pumpkin body butter. Is it edible?
How about pumpkin almond milk? Or pumpkin yogurt? These go nice with cranberry pumpkin granola.
Oh, and pumpkin ale. Trader Joe’s features Howling Gourd’s Pumpkin Ale. Have you ever heard a gourd howl? Maybe after drinking the ale?
Apparently, we’ve been brewing hops with pumpkins since 1771. I’m understanding there’s now pumpkin vodka, too. In fact, I’m Absolut-ly sure of it!
Last but not least, Pumpkin Spice Dog Treats.
And these are just from Trader Joe’s. I haven’t gone to Safeway, Whole Foods, or Grocery Outlet, yet. But you get the idea…ad nauseum.
Pumpkin Festivals all but Inaccessible
It used to be that you had to go out in the country to a pumpkin festival or patch to get pumpkin novelty products. It was a whole day affair, an excursion, a way of welcoming the fall, and delighting in all the sights and sounds — apple cider, wood-burning stoves, and crisp fresh air with leaves crunching underneath. The whole experience.
Not to mention the world’s largest pumpkin pie — six feet in diameter and the world’s biggest pumpkin, five feet tall weighing 1500 plus pounds. Neither one looked appetizing, but they were impressive and worth a photo with the Brownie camera.
(But nowadays, the two-lane highways you take to get to them are so jam-packed, you’ll never make it. Or if you do, there’s nowhere to park. If you didn’t start in August, sorry you’re SOL.)
Whither just plain pumpkin?
Sorry, I almost forgot to mention that you still can buy just plain pumpkin.
In the can and in the shell. Still. Phew!
Cause we gotta make pie and we gotta carve a pumpkin or two or ten.
Or not.
Nowadays you practically have to go to a Martha Stewart School of High Falutin’ Craftin’ to be able to carve a pumpkin that can hold its own with the designer ones on all the house and garden magazine covers.
I bought some of those patterns. But the cute bright orange plastic tools are not precise enough to cut out the witch and her broom, or the intricate threads of the spider’s web.
And you don’t want to get the kid’s hopes up only to brutally disappoint them. Never mind that the damn thing will rot after a day or two on the porch.
Fortunately, now you can save time and hassle by decorating with fall fantasy pumpkins. Not your stereotypical round orange job, they’re white, yellow, or green with long, curly stems. Even the misshapen ones appear ready to be bippity-boppity-boo’d into carriages. Magical.
And the beauty of them is, they don’t have to be carved. Just put ’em out.
There’s a huge bin of them at Trader Joe’s. You can save that trip to the country where you can’t park anyway.
Instead, here’s a hearty fall pumpkin chili recipe to try. Did you really think we could get all the way through this without a pumpkin recipe?
Many thanks to the Epicurious website for this:
INGREDIENTS:
· 20 oz. ground turkey
· 1 cup diced onions
· 2 Tb. minced garlic
· 1 cup pumpkin
· 1 packet TJ’s Taco Seasoning
· 1 can each: kidney beans, black beans (drained and rinsed
· 1 can diced tomatoes
· 1 cup diced bell peppers (optional)
PREPARATION:
1. Step 1: Cook the turkey with 1 cup onions and 2 Tb. garlic.
2. Step 2: Drain and rinse beans. Add everything to the crock pot. Stir.
3. Step 3: Turn on crock pot to low. Set it and forget it (for 4–7 hours).
4. Step 4: Eat!
My favorite part of that is set it and forget it!
But if cooking or driving isn’t your thing, you can always enjoy a PSL at your nearest café with the mermaid logo. Take a big whiff and pretend.
200 million people can’t be wrong.
Marilyn Flower writes humor to laugh the changes she wants to see and make. She’s the author of Creative Blogging: Ninja Writers Guide to Character Development and Bucket Listers, Get Your Brave On. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Stay in touch!
Interesting sounding recipe. Not to sure about it.
This is not only funny, it’s informative. I tried a similar quinoa vegan version of the chili. It’s yum!