Mortimer, that effete intellectual snob was simply not my cup of tea. Besides being blind as a bat, and over the hill, he drank himself silly and shows up at my door three sheets to the wind.
“Nonsense!” Mortimer replied to my initial rebuke, hoping not to lose any more of his precious marbles, but being at wit’s end, and knowing better than to pronounce me pretty as a picture, he begs for admittance based on a claim that it was raining cats and dogs.
Now I would have let sleeping dogs lie, but Mortimer, as stumbling down drunk as we was, still appeared to be awake, and unfortunately, with all juices flowing, some of which drooled down his chin.
“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, while you’re out robbing the cradle, Morty,” I scold. “Can’t you just let bygones be bygones?”
Mortimer’s usually killer instincts being deader than a doornail, rivets on the bird in hand being still, shall we say, the cat’s pajamas. “Please Baby, I’m head over heels, etc. etc. Kiss me quickly before I kick the bucket.”
“Morty, you’re barking up the wrong tree as well as in deep doo-doo with me. I was happy as a clam, minding my own business till you came along begging for mercy. Now am-scray!”
The plot thickens…
With that, I move to close the door just as Mortimer gags, turns green and tosses his cookies all over my front porch which I had just made a clean sweep of — a turn of events that tickles me pink.
I see right through him to where the cows are coming home, single file on their narrow path like they always do this time of night. So I close the door knowing with the same certainty there is about death and taxes that I ain’t seen the last of this little charade.
Someone should put him out of his misery I muse on the way to the barn for some evening milking. The soft lowing of the cows with their sweet velvety faces remind me that this may be as good as it gets. Happy ever after be damned.
Marilyn Flower writes humor to laugh the changes she wants to see and make. She’s the author of Creative Blogging: Ninja Writers Guide to Character Development and Bucket Listers, Get Your Brave On. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Stay in touch!